Myth buster: The terms of our divorce will be determined by the Law

There is a common misconception when it comes to divorce. A lot of people believe that the terms of their divorce are written in the Law and that it's simply a matter of going to court to get them enforced. They come to me asking: "How much am I entitled to?" or "What would a judge say in this case?".

Unfortunately, especially in common law countries like England and the United States, the law doesn't provide answers to every specific divorce case. It provides guiding principles that the judges follow and combine with the evidence and information that each party brings to the table. After hearing the arguments made by each lawyer, they make a decision on how they are going to apply the law to this particular case.

So the right question really is: "Would you rather go to court and have a judge decide on your fate or would you rather discuss things directly with your ex to be able to find a solution that you're all able to live with?". The key here is shifting mindsets. It isn't about what each person is entitled to. It is about what divorce outcomes they are able to live with. What is the negotiation spectrum within which they are each willing to negotiate with their soon-to-be-ex in order to reach an acceptable agreement, keeping in mind the legal principles at play?

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