In this article, I would like to debunk the myth that divorce always requires litigation and high conflict. As many countries move in the direction of encouraging negotiated agreements out of court, the importance of Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR) solutions is consistently rising. Here are some of the most common options which can be explored in order to reduce the costs and destruction of a litigated divorce. I have listed these from those that are likely to be the cheapest to the potentially most expensive, but keep in mind that all of these options are very likely to be cheaper than litigation. See my article on the benefits of amicable divorce for more information. Here are the main options for how to have an amicable divorce:

Do-it-yourself

This requires sitting down with your spouse and ironing out the details of your separation among yourselves. This is definitely the cheapest way to proceed (as low as £593 vs the average £14,000 cost of divorce in the UK) but it is not always the easiest. Both parties must be fully committed to finding solutions and willing to compromise. This is an ideal solution when the divorce is relatively “simple”, ie there are limited assets and no children but I have seen it done in more complicated situations. This solution requires you gathering the right information on your own, as well as documenting the arrangements yourselves and submitting them to the court online. There are many low-cost services out there that can help you ensure everything is in order before submission and even handle the submission itself.

Speaking to a Certified Divorce Coach® can help you avoid some of the common mistakes and omissions, as well as get “unstuck” when there is a disagreement.

Mediation

A mediator is an independent, trained professional works for the couple and helps them work out agreements for children or finances. The main advantage is that it provides a neutral source of support in reaching viable agreements. Mediators are usually much cheaper than solicitors and you only need one for the couple, which helps keep costs under control. It is also a much faster process than taking your case to court: 4 months on average vs 13 months for litigation.

Mediation can also involve your children if they are old enough to share their opinion on the Child Arrangements. See my podcast on Child-inclusive mediation.

The main things to consider when looking into mediation is that it requires both parties to agree and commit to finding a solution in that forum. If it fails, you will be left with the alternative of working with a different mediator or resolving matters differently.

Working with a Certified Divorce Coach® can prove very beneficial during mediation as they will help you prepare for meetings and define your negotiation position. They will also help you explore other solutions if you reach a deadlock.

Collaborative lawyers

This process requires each party securing their own lawyer in order to help them lead the negotiations collaboratively. Not all lawyers work as collaborative lawyers and you need to ensure you find someone who has that specific training. Typically, once each party has retained a collaborative lawyer, the lawyers and the couple will sit down together to try to reach an agreement for the divorce arrangements. This means the parties are supported by legal professionals who understand the law and will act as third parties to try to unlock disputes. Collaborative lawyers usually charge less than traditional solicitors and definitely less than barristers so they are often a cheaper option.

In order to begin the collaborative process, each person must sign a Participation Agreement which contains a “disqualification clause” that says that if either party commences litigation in court, the collaborative process will end and the family lawyers can no longer represent their clients. This means that both separating spouses must hire new lawyers in that case and incur further expenses. This was built as a deterrent to prevent either party from quitting the collaborative divorce process, but it also brings some degree of inconvenience if the process fails.

Just like with mediation, working with a Certified Divorce Coach® in parallel will help you prepare for meetings and clarify your negotiation position.

Watch my podcast on how collaborative law can help you divorce better for more information.

Arbitration

Arbitration is a solution that can only be leveraged for financial matters but that allows couples to get past the final roadblocks to finding an agreement. The couple can choose to appoint an arbitrator to make a final decision on any financial or property issues they can’t agree upon.

The arbitrator acts as a “private judge” in that their decision they make is final and binding. So, unlike other amicable divorce options, you are still delegating the decision-making to a third party rather than negotiating something acceptable yourselves. But it can be a good way to get you over the hump if there are some outstanding matters preventing you from finalising your divorce agreements.

Another thing to note is that arbitration is not always cheap and usually costs more than some of the other options outlined here, bar negotiation through lawyers. Preparing for the arbitration hearing with a Certified Divorce Coach® will allow you to present credible arguments and a reasonable position, therefore avoiding damaging emotional pitfalls.

Negotiating via your lawyers

This is the least cost-effective of the amicable divorce options but still brings the benefit of leading to a collaborative solution. In this model, each party hires their own solicitor and a negotiation begins via the lawyers, typically through an exchange of letters, until an agreement is reached.

Each lawyer is hired to defend their client’s specific interests and litigation remains an option if the negotiation fails. Unlike collaborative lawyers, your solicitor will continue to represent you even if you end up going to court.

This means it is important that you spend some time understanding your solicitor’s philosophy when it comes to divorce and whether they tend to be very litigious or more focused on amicable resolution.

Speaking to a Certified Divorce Coach® will be essential in this context as they will help you clarify your non-negotiables and explore alternative proposals to reach an agreement. They will also help you manage the stress and uncertainty to ensure that you are making clear-headed and informed decisions at every step of the process.